So, I wore shorts to school today. Right? And the first thing Mark says to me is “Could your shorts get any shorter? Might as well just have sex with you right now. Everything’s basically ready to go.” And if that wasn’t bad enough, he asked me if i was single. When I asked him why he wanted to know, he said for future reference for himself. First day of school and Mark is already trying to get with me. It’s going to be a long year…although he did tell me he liked my hair(:
I wish you knew how much I want you to get better. The pain kills me inside. Seeing you and knowing that the smile upon your face is just an illusion breaks my heart. I love you. I just wish you would let me back into your life…..
Is it really all about the popularity? Is it all really about how many guys you’ve slept with? I mean, what has this world come to?
Loneliness is one of the absolute worst feelings in the world, and I’ve been feeling a lot of it lately. On a random Wednesday night when I wake up because of a bad dream, who am I to call? Oh yeah, nobody. I suffer in silence. And I’m okay with that. I’d much rather have a few good friends than a bunch of fake ones.
I’ve gotten myself involved with some people I probably shouldn’t even be talking to lately. I don’t want people in my life who are going to influence me negatively. Therefore, I have been hanging out with Danielle a lot more. We have become very close this year. It’s sooooo good for me. I have come a long way since last year.
My posse of about thirty or so people last year wouldn’t even be able to compare to the three or four good friends I have this year. People have really changed, and I don’t believe it’s for the best. I’ve been really trying to repair my friendship with Zach lately. I’ve been putting in a lot of time making sure that I text him and tell him things to ensure his importance to me. If we’re going to be friends again, I’m going to need to find a way to get him out of drinking and partying.
We’re fifteen, sixteen. We have the rest of our lives to drink and party. Not right now. What good does it do you know? It sure doesn’t put you in good standing with me, that’s for sure. I cannot have people like that in my life. I just need to find a way to make myself feel less lonely….
Parents just don’t understand…
I have the worlds’ sweetest boyfriend (: Yesterday, he walked all the way to Dutch Brothers just to get me a Red Bull Blast. He left it on my door step and surprised me. Then, he walked to my house while my parents were Black Friday Shopping and kissed me in the rain.<3
Powderpuff practice at noon, and Jake and Tanner just left. We’ll see how this goes.
The last day of summer…
It’s been such an amazing summer. Although I didn’t do much, I still had a blast. Zero drama, no school. It was just good. I’m ganna miss it soooo much. Although I’m excited for school to start tomorrow, I know that after a few weeks I’m going to be wanting summer again. So in the remembrance of summer, I’m going to make today awesome.
So, I’m sneaking out tonight. And as I’m waiting for my mom to go to bed, it starts raining. Greaaat.
So last month, I gave Mark 100 dollars to go and fight MMA at the casino. He told me that he wouldn’t be able to pay me back, and I said that he didn’t have to. A week or so later, I went camping with no cell service. When I got back, Mark told me that he had figured out a way to repay me. That way was by having sex with me. After that fight, he got completely busy. He no longer has time for anyone or anything. We haven’t really talked in about a month. And he came to my house for about an hour one night, but we just sat in his car and talked. Other than that, we haven’t really hung out since June when he was dating Paige. So Tanner told me today that Andres heard Mark and I had sex. Apparently Mark has been telling the entire football team that. It’s completely and totally not true. But of course, no one listens to anything I have to say. So I guess I’m just ganna sit back and let people think whatever they want to think. Because I know the truth.
The four letter word that every girl wants whispered in her ear by that one guy. That feeling you get inside your stomach when you pass him in the hallway, hoping that he’ll grab onto your arm and pull you in the opposite direction. That little smile that forms upon your face when you kiss. The word that’s got every girl up on her feet, fighting, just to find one guy that will change her life forever.
The thing is, we’re young. We have the rest of our lives to be with a guy who loves us. So you shouldn’t feel rushed to find your prince charming. I know that a girl who has a perfect relationship with a guy makes all the other girls jealous. It makes you realize that you want that too. For a guy to hold you while you’re shivering and give you his jacket. For someone to be there for you when you can’t stop crying. But is it really love that’s keeping those couples together? Are we even capable of loving the opposite sex in a romantic way at this age?
All I know is that I want that too. I want a relationship that actually lasts. I want to be that one girl that everyone else is sooooo jealous of because of the relationship she has with a guy. I want to be that person who walks down the street with her boyfriend and every girl that drives by looks out the window just to see who it is.
After everything I’ve been through this past year, I’m ready for that. So this is the year. This is the year that I finally let go completely, and allow myself to fall head over heels for the guy of my dreams. <3
Just got home from camp, and then Mark called and wanted to come over. Seriously?
So, sorry I haven’t been on todayyy. Cheerleading campppp.
I was in Boise for my cousin’s wedding last weekend and just got back today. But I’m back now! Time for Tumblr!<3
My agenda for today;
Babysit the siblings,
Be lazy for a few hours,
Granny, Grandad, Jeni, and Vince,